1) “Learn to work the toilet seat.” You’re telling us ladies to learn work the toilet seat? First of all, there is a fucking lid. If there wasn’t, then I’d understand where you’re coming from, but there is. Second of all, it is scientifically proven (and quite god damn obvious) that germs and other microshits float around in the air when you flush the toilet without the lid down. So if you want shit & piss particles flying over and nestling onto your toothbrush and other hygienic apparatuses, be my guest.
2) “Sometimes we are not thinking about you.” Ok, likewise. NBD.
3) “Saturday = Sports” Ah yes because everyone with a penis watches sports, way to generalize the public.
4) “Crying is blackmail.” Oh so because you don’t have a vagina you don’t cry? Since when has crying been a crime? Obviously this is why you are ALONE.
5) “Ask for what you want… subtle hints do not work” etc etc, I agree with this ‘rule’.
6) “We don’t remember dates. Mark them on a calender and remind us frequently.” In some ways I agree with this, but are you really that incompetent that you cannot remember a few dates?
7) “Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers…” In some ways I agree with this too.
8) “Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.” Now this one really pissed me off. Just because you have a dick, doesn’t mean you should be one. So what you’re telling me is that you are incapable of feeling sympathy? Are you human or are you a subterranean creature that ascended from hell that’s only here for “oog oog sex” and “oog oog chikenz oog sports”. Now this is REALLY why you are single.
9) “Check your oil!” Ok.
10) “Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.” Well you know, if you cheated on me with my sister or killed a baby 6 months ago I would see that as something valid to bring up.
11) “If you think you’re fat, you probably are.” I agree with not asking you ‘men’ if I’m fat, but just because someone thinks they are fat doesn’t mean they are.
12) “If something we said can be interpreted…” I agree, a little.
13) “Let us look.” Yes means yes, and no means no. Deal with it. As someone wise on the internet once said before, we aren’t vending machines that you can put kindness coins into to get boobs/sex.
14) “Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.” Oh sorry my vagina caused me to talk during a program, I forgot everyone with a dick doesn’t talk during one.
15) “Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.” Please go back to history class, because Christopher Columbus was looking for Asia, not America. And I’d really much rather ask for directions than get fucking lost for 10 hours.
16) “ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour.” Just like orange is a fruit and not a colour right? Shut the hell up, this is honestly one of the pettiest, most trivial thing on this list.
17) “We are not mind readers.” I agree whole heatedly with this one. Right back atcha boys.
18) “If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will believe you.” Agreed, but guys do this too.
19) “When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.” Ok.
20) “You have enough clothes.” Bitch I’ll buy as many articles of clothing as I want.
21) “You have too many shoes.” Please refer to my comment above.
22) “It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together.” I’m not quite sure what this is talking about, but if it’s talking about online quizzes, I agree because those are stupid, but other people feel differently.
23) “BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.” This is incredibly sexist. I know plenty of guys that hate beer & girls that like it, and plenty of girls (such as myself) that don’t like handbags & guys that like handbags.
Thank you for reading this. And no, sleeping on the couch is nothing like camping you asshat.